Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed
By Bronnie Ware (who worked for years nursing the dying)
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.
I learn never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never
became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a
result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical
details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end.
That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
Source :http://www.ariseindiaforum.org/nurse-reveals-the-top-5-regrets-people-make-on-their-deathbed/
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Wow really makes you think about tgihns. I can definitely relate with #1. It’s always been a struggle for me to figure out whether I’m doing something because someone else wants me to or because I really find value in that thing.I’ve really been trying to be more cognizant of that lately. Thanks for the reminder. Life is too short to be wasted living someone else’s dream.
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Not a day goes by that I don’t actively seek out ipirsning texts (like this one) to read in order to be motivated to live life to the fullest. Great post indeed. (I’ve bookmarked in my Firefox for a rainy day. Thank you.)I particularly liked this quote: Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. I, myself, have not completed even a tenth of my bucket list and I aim to put more effort into doing so. Recently however I’ve been thinking a lot about looking back at your life and thinking what could have been done differently.My two cents is that looking back at life’s decisions is a lot like picking stocks or buying mutual funds with 20-20 hindsight. It’s kind of delusional. It’s certainly tempting to think what wasn’t chosen would have been the better choice. In fact, the mind loves engaging in best case scenario extrapolations of a perceived past opportunity missed, or even rueing present circumstances based on perceived more greenness of grass on the other side. For example, you might bump into an old classmate who went into Law and see how he’s really successful now and then feel like crap about yourself afterwards. But there’s no guarantee that if you had indeed gone that route you would have had the inner resources to make it. Or if you had made it, you would be successful ($$$). There are plenty of starving lawyers out there. Or if you did make a lot of money, you would have been happy with yourself. Maybe your friend is putting up a false front and is really miserable inside. Here’s another example. You’re at your death bed. You think: I should have been a musician. But maybe if you had gone that route you would have been a mediocre musician at best. Because now that you’re dying, and you can’t be a musician, you think how you would have been the greatest musician ever, but you don’t think about all the work that goes into being the best, or the luck involved. It’s easy to skip over the roughly 10,000 hours required to be an expert at most endeavors. So much so, that if you were indeed given your life back, you might think about the insurmountableness of all that dedication required and then decide after all: nah, I don’t want to be a musician. It’s the same thinking involved when kids beg their parents to buy them a guitar and let them take lessons and then two lessons in, fingertips callused, they want to give up. Dreams take a huge amount of work that most of us aren’t prepared to commit to. I realize that I’m kind of digressing from this blog post, and the author’s message is really about being more courageous with your life while you still have time. I couldn’t agree more. All I’m saying is that we shouldn’t just think about how things could have been so much better. They could have been a whole lot worse even if you had pursued your dreams.
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